Charlie, in an effort to cut operating costs and fluff up his flaccid self-image, resorts to Bill Belichick tactics to avoid appearing as the nickel and dime you to death employer he is. Rather than remain on their knees, two of his employees perform the Gatorade routine with a 38 pound keg of hops, rendering Charlie more unconscious than he usually is.

Charlie gets blindsided by disgruntled employees after repeated failed attempts to improve company morale by mimicking Al Pacino in “Any Given Sunday.”

The extraordinary story of the humble beginnings of the Hickey’s Liquor Empire, as told in this trailer for a documentary project that was shelved due to a lack of interest. Names should have been changed to protect the innocent, but were not, due to a lack of interest.

Charlie gets his wings after exhibiting a curious display of dysfunctional Christmas Cheer.

Fearing he may need a cover for unsportsmanlike conduct with his customers, Charlie dons a referee’s uniform to divert attention from his personal fouls, making his thick Massachusetts accent even harder to understand.

Charlie reprises his role as a cacaphonic elf and is victim of a tragic occupational accident just before the Big Day.

Charlie’s transparent attempt to disguise his purchase of company equipment as a Christmas gift earns him a spot on the employee bucket list, and a subsequent fine for illegal dumping of a Bio Hazard in a “Cardboard Only” container.

Not unlike today’s media, these headlines are culled from periodicals whose content is never reviewed for factual accuracy. They seem to paint Charlie Hickey either as a folk hero, or a slightly unstable person who refuses to take his medication. To date, these stories have not been challenged as to their veracity, and until such time, we’ll continue to present them as legitimate stories, much like campaign rhetoric of those seeking public office.

To those whose lives that may have been affected by some of the events described, please accept our sincerest apologies — but you really cant be taking this seriously, right?

Drawing on his experience as a semi-pro Dwarf Bowler, Charlie transforms this Christmas Classic into a blatant pandering of distilled spirits during the 2010 holiday season. Despite the protests of the UEW (United Elf Workers), Charlie refused to pay union scale for Elf actors, opting to resurrect a 50’s sci-fi special effect used in the “Incredible Shrinking Man.” Though heralded by some as Chuck’s finest work, Roger Ebert suggested it was best viewed on a “darkened screen with sound muted.”